mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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