Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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