I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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