Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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