Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
