She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
