When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
