so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
