sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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