I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
