Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
