I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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