ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
