Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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