It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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