he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
