Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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