dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
