Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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