Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Semen is not good for contacts.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
