Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
