Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize