I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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