so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
