It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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