Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
