He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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