They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
