you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
