I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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