i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
