1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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