Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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