We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
