Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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