His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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