Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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