i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
