I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
