while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
