The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
