I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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