So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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