spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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