My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
