dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
