He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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