Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
