apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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