so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
