I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
