Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
