were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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