: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
