I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
