yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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