You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
not ubering you a puppy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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