meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
