i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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