"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
