So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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