Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
