then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
