a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When are your genitals available?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
