I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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