Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
