I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Found your dick twin last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
