i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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