i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
