made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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