so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
