if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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