I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
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I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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