Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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