After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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