Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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