I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you inspire me to be a worse person
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
